Hi everyone. This will be a more personal blogpost than it usually is.
As the semester is almost over I will be reflecting on the time that passed up to now and I will talk about dilemmas, insecurities. Feel free to comment down below your opinion. It's insane how time works. Almost two months passed since I came home which is crazy for me because I thought I would stay here a month top. Most of this time I felt some anxiety but I tossed it away saying everybody feels that, we're going through a pandemic, what the heck.
My top distress was that my erasmus mobility has been cut at the seam, not leaving space for the completion of the cathartic moments that may have determined the real end of it. All the friendships that could've been formed and all the places that could've been discovered. The main frustration of the story is that doing erasmus was a big dream of mine a long time ago. The first time I have heard about it was 7 years ago, some girl made a presentation about her volunteering experience in Denmark and mentioned that if someone is not planning on having a gap year, he or she can still have that living abroad experience via erasmus. That was the time I decided that I will use that opportunity and I will experience how life works abroad. Well I kinda did with my choice of university as well, but moving to the neighbor country will just not cut it. The point is that a lot of negative feelings have been released once all this living my biggest dream all of a sudden unexpectedly ended. I have got into situations alike before, situations when people are excited about travels and their near future, and people who know me know that I don't get easily excited. When I arrived in America (bear in mind that it was my first time traveling to another continent), I kept a straight face because I don't trust the future, people can't know how things turn out. Excitements often end in disappointments, and that's what I usually try to avoid. This time was a bit different, no matter how hard I tried to suppress my emotions, they would show up in a way or another. The moment I arrived in Lisbon, a smile appeared on my face and basically stayed until the mobility ended. It seemed like my big dream came to reality, but I expected to stay longer that it did. That's what I was describing before, disappointment. For weeks I couldn't figure out what was the big sin I did that led for such a cruel punishment. What did all of us do to deserve this? How long will the punishment last? I got lucky enough to get accepted in the course of the next semester but everything seems so uncertain. Experts talking about the second wave and how that it will arrive in the fall time and people being irresponsible about the ease of the rules. Will we recover from all the damage done up to that point? If not, would there even be a point or a chance to enroll in the foreign university? In times like this, some try to grasp into hope, some try to do something to fill in the void: get distracted or go against the recommended. My plan of the next month is as controversial as it gets: I want to go back to Lisbon. The airlines are reopening, they function more and less frequently from June (the Tirgu Mures-Budapest line works right now as well). With the ease of the rules of Portugal and places reopening worldwide, I feel like I should do my return for the exam period. I am aware that there are still restrictions and there are quite a few risks of traveling and who knows, I might get stuck abroad but thinking about the country's possibilities I wouldn't mind. Reading recommendation from a student of the university of Pécs: https://yusufkaru.com/covid-19-milk-or-tea/?fbclid=IwAR3Th8RTEVWRd5WhoYFegEBYu59BQlWT6_jRaUc0LgLfH5yOHeCIHIlTQsE
